The LDR

This post was a little late (if a "little" can mean half a day), because the topic was too busy happening to be reported on. And it is this...

What do we do with the Long Distance Relationship?

Perhaps when I begin to describe my evening you will think, "Wow, she's really jumping the gun here." Well, no. Not really. Writers are allowed to think ahead more than normal people, if only to figure out what our characters are up to so that they can be honestly portrayed.

Hi, I'm MotleyBits, and I will be your character for the duration of this blog post.

Last night I was innocently perusing (i.e., procrastinatnig with my homework) the dating site OKCupid, to see if new love could be found there, only to find yet another otherwise interesting and beautiful lady had sent me a nice message from across the country, some 2400 miles away. She joked about the distance and hinted how it would be nice if we were closer.

I've only been in Portland less than two years and it still feels like the home I have been looking for all my life. That would be another blog post or three to completely explain why (so stayed tuned). Even with how much I want to be a part of a couple again, preferably for life, suffice it to say that if she really wants me, it'll have to be here. With apologies. I sent an equally complimentary, but regretful reply, wishing the same thing, and moved on.

I was beginning to wind down, tiring of looking at the tiny postage stamp-sized pictures of women and thinking about the homework I was not getting done . . . when an Instant Message box popped up and asked me how I was doing.

I might normally have ignored it, but the little picture in the corner showed a beautiful younger lady and homework seemed like it might be able to wait a few more minutes. So I cheerfully responded, and clicked to see who had singled me out to IM.

It turns out it's a beautiful woman who lives on the big island of Hawaii. Good grief. Just my luck. Another communication from 2660 miles away. So we talked about Hawaii and what brought her there from Portland, and how spontaneous the decision had seemed, but it seemed right. Her story sounded much like mine, in the way that I have also lived in many places before I found my "home." As she was drawn there.

We talked about the weather and how beautiful it was there, and how it was really no more expensive--not counting food--than it is to live here. That was a shock. I always thought that you needed to be rich to live in such a heavenly place. Not really ... you just needed to be a freelancer, or not mind working in a hotel, because that's the kind of jobs they have there.

In the course of this conversation, we noticed we were talking as if we'd known each other for years--and romantically. We both had gender issues in the past and we were both being very open about it along with everything else. The next thing we know, a few hours have past and we're both talking about how much we wish they had already invented teleportation devices, because we both wanted badly to be holding each other at that point. I still get the warm fuzzies just thinking about that conversation.

And yet, the morning after--my heart still aflutter, but my mind clear--I can't help but think, what do you do with something like this? If there really is something to it, even after only one evening, do you consider pursuing it knowing that you are only drawing yourself closer to the big question: Will one of us have to move?

The thing is, I moved to Portland to be with a woman I fell in love with online two years ago, the 2462 miles becoming impossible to bear. That relationship opened my eyes to how romantic love really could be, even after a 19-year marriage to my best friend. It was easily enough to motivate me to move to Portland from the east coast. Unfortunately it did not work out--could not, given the things she didn't tell me before I got there--but I have considered it an ultimately positive thing that she brought me to the place I feel is Home.

I already know the answer to my quandary here, for the time being: Continue to communicate with this romantic wonder and see what becomes of it. But I still wonder if it will mean yet another move should it work out. And would my being drawn to Hawaii of all places be such a bad thing?

I guess really the big question is: Why can't I seem to find love where I am now? This question I will continue to work on and keep you apprised. :)